How to Attract Love Not Pain
by Kimie Pearl
There is nothing new under the sun. I know, I know.
But , there are new ways to see the same old stuff. In the Love and relationship arena, there are old ways and new ways.
More importantly, there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways. Let’s talk about some healthy ones!
After meeting with Victor Granville, The Relationship Strategist, I learned some new ways to attract Love and not pain in my life. I want to share them with you!
Victor works from a place of knowing. He has felt the pain of unhealthy relationships. Instead of becoming a casualty, he chose to become a coach.
Without a doubt, no one can teach us more about survival than a survivor. Survivors are uniquely equipped to show us how to attract Love instead of pain.
Why Do We Attract Pain?
I asked Victor what he thinks is the main reason for failed relationships. He quickly answered, “making someone else responsible for our sense of lovability, our sense of adequacy.” He continues, “when someone else holds that kind of power in our lives, it necessitates control”. Instead of offering a place of acceptance and Love, we find struggle.
I learned a new application for the old truth; we cannot share what we don’t have. We all need to feel we are enough.
If we don’t stop the cycle of looking for validation in others, where will it end? In a dead heat and in a big Loss That’s my prediction anyway.
What Is One Secret To Attracting Love?
When I asked Victor what the ONE THING he wishes someone had told him before he had started to date. ONE THING he would suggest every parent tell their child, the answer was a gift of freedom to us all.
We need to know we are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.
We can attract Love and not pain by understanding what Love cannot do.
Victor clarifies the difference between contributing to someone’s happiness and being responsible for it.
“No matter how much I love my partner.” “If they are not caring for themselves, what I give them will not land deep enough.” Victor explained that other people can not feed our addiction to “Love and “approval.”
We will attract pain and not Love until we accept that we alone are the appraiser of our value, our worth. I
n our worldview, we find why we matter and why no-one else has the right to give or take away from that reality.
Avoiding abuse is easier when we take the time to inventory our own value.
A Practice to Avoid Abuse & Pain
The question that draws my heart the deepest is this last one, “What is one practice you think could help prevent Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)?”
Clearly, Victor doesn’t miss a beat, and it echos the answer above.
“Take care of your emotional Integrity.” He boldly states that as long as we let others define our value we will be susceptible to abuse.
Furthermore, “People who abandon themselves will attract people who abandon themselves.” Is there any clearer picture of the kind of pain abandoned hearts would attract into our lives?
We can take a lesson from Victor’s playbook. When we are healthy, when we know our value, and we recognize the same in others, we will be able to identify when people come from what He calls an’ empty place.’
How we practice self-care has ripple effects in the lives of those we Love the most. If we want to attract Love and not pain, we need to take these suggestions and make them a lifestyle. Then and only then we can pass them down to the hearts who will follow us.
Attract Healing and Love
It goes without saying, when people are sharing the kind of wisdom Victor shares there is much hope for ourselves and for the little hearts in our care.
Let’s rethink Love, let’s share what we learn, and let’s spare some hearts! You can find the interview in its entirety below.
For more ideas on how to Rethink Love check out Lies About Love and Relationship and let us know if you agree or not!
Let’s Love well or not at all!