Marriage is the Number One Cause of Divorce

By Jim Campbell

September 8th, 2018

The best thing about being single is that you never have to go through the hassles of a divorce.

As a veteran of over 38-years with the same woman you would have to threaten me at gunpoint to make me ever consider it, and then I’d likely go for the bullet.

 

Forget what the author below is trying to sell you, today, the number one cause of divorce is that you chose to get married in the first place.

 

The Number One Cause of Divorce

(The following is an excerpt from Friends, Partners & Lovers)

I’m convinced the number one cause of divorce is not adultery, financial problems, or irreconcilable difference. Those are most often symptoms of a deeper problem.

 

 

While these problems might be real, I believe there is a bigger issue.

The most common issue I see with couples who are struggling in marriage is a lack of intentional investment in their marriage.

 

 

While it’s a fair debate of which comes first—did someone lose interest so they lost intention or did someone lose intention so they lost interest—either way there is a key idea:

We can influence our feelings by intentionally investing in our marriage.

As I’ve written before, our affections often grow toward our investments. Wherever we put our time, money, and energy also ends up receiving our passion, interest, and affection.

Think about what this means for a marriage: you will generally feel for your spouse to the extent in which you invest in your spouse.

Your feelings are often far less about them and far more about what effort you have put into your marriage.

Obviously there are exceptions. Some people have made bad choices in who they married or the spouse has made a bad choice in who they have become, but most of the time, we love our spouse to the extent that we invest in our spouse. (See: Marry a Partner, Not a Child)

Consider what this means: if your feelings of love are waning, they can be recovered. With some effort, intention, and energy, love can grow.

Every week I interact with marriages which are suffering. I am often like a triage nurse who observes the couple, makes an initial determination of the seriousness of their illness, and then gets them with the right specialist so the expert can assist them with the issue.

As the couple leaves our initial interaction, I almost always give them the same assignment: on the way home, retell the stories of your first date, how you fell in love, what first attracted you to the other, what you love the most about each other, and what your dreams are of a future together. (See: Change Your Marriage Today) (Source)

 

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Marriage is the Number One Cause of Divorce

  1. I love this! You typed the words out of my brain. Unfortunately it’s so easy to understand this but get lost in applying it. In order to learn we must teach but half the people you propose this investing in the marriage to are to lazy to even hear about it. They are overcome with “dead horse syndrome” and are used to just going through the motions which they’ll continue doing after your speech so they’d rather not sorted their time with you talking about it. I get it, I understand and even though the universe is trying to pull me the “right” direction many times it doesn’t feel “right” to me. I’m old fashioned to some degree about my vows and if there’s a way to mend it shouldn’t it be explored?…”if”…keyword. Thanks for sharing🙏

    Like

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