Come Get Your Love

By Jim Campbell

June 16, 2018

Make Them Love You by Taking (Not Giving)

Perhaps the gift could be something as simple as enjoying one another at a Miami Dolphins game.

Perhaps a Marlins game, something nice and slow that allows you to talk and learn more about each other.


In dating, is it more persuasive to give or receive?

You’ve probably been told to do nice things for the people you want to attract.
Maybe you’ve even been advised to buy presents, cook dinners, pay for dates, or perform thoughtful gestures to win the affection of a lover.

These were common customs in the “courtship” of earlier generations – and are common tactics among animals too.

But, what if all they want is to be friends?

If your thoughts, feelings and gifts were given with no ulterior motive, then just say Que Será, Será, meaning in Italian what will be will be and move on.

But, just because the tactic of giving is common, does not mean it is always the most effective.



Giving certainly has an effect, ON THE GIVER.

Those who care, give, or help in an unsolicited manner feel more positive, alive, and have higher self-esteem.

The giver also feels more committed to the recipient of their giving.

The effects of giving on the receiver, however, are much more mixed.


On one hand, receiving a gift can generate feelings of gratitude in romantic partners, increasing their liking and attraction towards the giver, and improving compliance with later requests.

On the other hand, receiving a gift might also generate negative feelings of obligation and not lead to reciprocity.

What This Means for Your Love Life

Whether it is “better to give or receive” depends on who you’re trying to influence.

Someone who gives to you has invested, committed, and devoted resources to you as a recipient of their giving.



Therefore, they may be more committed and attached when they give (and you take), versus when they receive from you.

So, how do you put this into practice in your love life?

Ultimately, it is O.K. to give others the gift of feeling good (by letting them give to you).

After all, you’re worth the investment too.







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