How to know if it’s the real deal?

By Jim Campbell

Sure, she says she loves you, but words are cheap.

Short of seeing her reaction when you ask her for one of her kidneys, is there any way to tell whether she’s really feeling that love?

Thanks to science and a little bit of psychology, there is!

 

 

She loves the way you smell. Do you catch her burying her nose in your pillow after you get out of bed?

Or does she reel in disgust when you skip your shower?

If you’re sure you’ve been laying off the garlic but she’s still turning up her nose at you, you may have trouble. Studies have shown that women use the sense of smell in determining a life partner.

 

 

She’s happy for your successes. A woman who celebrates with you when your life goes well is truly invested in you and your future together.

Does she belittle your accomplishments? That’s a sign of resentment. Not good.

She’s always touching you. Does she have trouble keeping her hands off you? Touching, especially non-$e*u@l touching like smoothing your hair or leaning against your shoulder, is a sign she cares deeply for you.

It makes her happy to know you’re within reach.

 

 

As a caveat, Linda Ronsdat has been stricken with Parkinson’s disease and is no longer able to sing a note.

She sang the National Anthem at Dodger Stadium opening the first game.

Of course I was there !, haven’t missed one yet.

It was the 1977 Word Series with the Dodgers playing the New York Yankees.

The Yankees defeated the Dodgers, four games to two.

Carpe Diem, cease the day, it’s the only moment we can be sure will still be with us.

She actually means it when she asks how your day went.

A person in love wants to empathize with the object of her affection. Knowing every little detail of your day helps her strengthen her connection to you.

She doesn’t snoop through your stuff.

If her love is in doubt, she may find herself looking through your phone or browsing history for excuses to leave you

But a woman who gives you your privacy is willing to trust you. Trust is one of the strongest signs of love.

She constantly brings you up in conversations with others.

You might have to go to mutual friends to figure this one out. If she talks about you a lot, it means she can’t stop thinking about you.

 

 

Of course, if she’s just complaining about you, that’s another story.

She likes to share her food with you. Love creates a chemical in our bodies called oxytocin, and studies have shown that oxytocin increases generosity (as well as trust; see above).

That doesn’t mean your true love won’t get annoyed when you steal all her French fries, but if she likes to offer you bites, that is a sign her oxytocin is flowing.

She’s there when you need her. This may seem obvious, but it’s also one of the most important.

It’s easy to be with someone when everything is fun and the sun is shining. When life gets rough, though, a woman who really loves you won’t be saying sayonara and riding off into the sunset.

She’ll want to go through it with you.

That’s true love.

Indeed !

The End

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Remember this: All we are is dust in the wind

By Jim Campbell

October 14, 2016

As we begin taking ourselves and our lives too seriously, it’s time to step back, take a big breath and smile.

Carpe Diem, meaning live in the now enjoy the moment, the present is all we have.

 

To do otherwise is a fools mission.

Soon enough we will reach our final resting place in a box six feet under and we will long since be forgotten about by those who we left behind as others step in to replace us.

 

 

It’s all about choice, make yours today and change your life style and your life for the sake of those you love as well as yourselves.

Are we really able to take part in a loving relationship if we haven’t put our own house in order?

I believe the answer is a resounding NO.

 

THE END

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Hug It Out: Study Shows Hugs Really Do Make Us Happier, Especially On Hard Days

PITTSBURGH — In a spat with a loved one and can’t reach a resolution?

Seriously, by deescalating the stress level, you are more likely to end up in bed thank in jail for the night. 

Hug it out.

 

 

A new study finds that hugs shield us from the harmful effects of a soured mood that come from arguments and conflicts with others.

Researchers from Carnegie Mellon University say people who consider themselves huggers actually have better overall health and stronger relationships.

Previous research has shown the benefits of hugs and the role of touch, but studies have typically focused on romantic relationships.

This latest work sought to examine the power of hugging among various social circles.

 

For the study, the authors analyzed data of 404 men and women between the ages of 21 and 55 from the Pittsburgh area.

Only a quarter of the individuals were either married or in marital-like relationships. Participants, who were all in good general health, were interviewed every night for two weeks about their interactions with others each day.

That meant describing such things as social activities, conflicts, resolutions, and of course, hugs. Individuals were also asked about their mood and any changes as the day wore on.

 

 

The researchers found that people who received a hug on the same day of experiencing a conflict with another person showed a smaller decrease in positive emotions and a smaller increase in negative emotions compared with individuals who were not hugged

. In other words, being hugged at some point in the day may have shielded one’s good mood from diminishing completely, and similarly, prevented them from feeling more upset about a conflict. In fact, hugs were shown to help reduce bad moods in participants through the following day, as well.

Of course, the authors point to several limitations from the study in drawing the connections. For example, participants weren’t asked who they received their hugs from, or whether or not the hug was received before or after a conflict, which could perhaps play a role in the effectiveness of the hug.

“This research is in its early stages. We still have questions about when, how, and for whom hugs are most helpful,” says Michael Murphy, one of the study’s co-authors, in a statement. “However, our study suggests that consensual hugs might be useful for showing support to somebody enduring relationship conflict.”

Murphy and his co-authors say that future research is needed to better understand how, why, and even when hugging is so effective. Still, they believe their results show the potential power of a hug on harder days: “[H]ugs may be a simple yet effective method of providing support to both men and women experiencing interpersonal distress,” they concluded.

Love will keep us together

 

By Jim Campbell

September 30, 2018

Keeping Love Alive

The concept of what it takes to keep love alive is really quite simple, but not so easy to do.
The simple answer is this: Love flows between two people whose hearts are open to learning and to sharing love. The hard part is keeping the heart open.
 

When I was 24 years old I fell madly in love. I was madly in love for three weeks and then spent the next 30 years struggling to regain and maintain that wonderful feeling.

In the course of my long marriage and in the many years I’ve been counseling individuals and couples, I’ve learned what it takes to keep love alive and what diminishes the feelings and experience of love.

The concept of what it takes to keep love alive is really quite simple, but not so easy to do.

The simple answer is this: Love flows between two people whose hearts are open to learning and to sharing love.

The hard part is keeping the heart open.

 

 

Before I go more deeply into what does keep love alive, I want to focus on what doesn’t work to keep love alive.

The bottom line of what diminishes or even eventually kills loving feelings is controlling behavior.

If I held a P.H.D. it would be in this area as I’ve been married and divorced twice.

Did I learn anything, of course, by my usual method, “The Hard Way.”

 

 

There are two major forms of controlling behavior that always result in dampening loving feelings:

  • Overt control such as anger, blame, criticism and judgment, defensiveness, lecturing, teaching, righteousness, physical violence and so on.
  • Covert control such as withdrawal, withholding truth, lying, compliance, giving oneself up, resistance, denial and so on.

None of us like to be controlled.

Most people, in the face of controlling behavior, react with their own controlling behavior.

Controlling behavior diminishes love because the focus is on changing the other person rather than on changing yourself.

When the intention of your behavior is to change your partner’s feelings or behavior, your behavior will often be experienced by your partner as manipulative or rejecting.

Trying to change how someone feels about you or treats you with overt forms of control feels manipulative and rejecting to your partner, while covert forms of control such a compliance or “niceness,” feels manipulative and inauthentic to the other person.

The good news is that love CAN be kept alive, even in long-term relationships.

Love is kept alive when each person is more devoted to learning about being loving to themselves and to each other than to getting love.

The moment the intention is to get love, controlling behavior takes over. In any given moment, we either want to be loving and share love, or to get love.

Trying to get love diminishes love. Being loving and sharing love keeps love alive. Being loving and sharing love means:

  • Each person learns to take responsibility for your own feelings rather than making the other person responsible for your feelings of worth, lovability, security, happiness, joy or pain.
  • Each person has your own and your partner’s highest good at heart. Each of you supports your own and your partner’s joy and well-being. Both of you are considerate of the other person without giving yourselves up.
  • Each person chooses to be honest and authentic about how you feel and what you want and don’t want. You are willing to speak your truth without blame or judgment.
  • Each person stays open to learning about your own and your partner’s wants, needs, and fears, especially in conflict.

What keeps love alive is each person’s willingness to do the inner work necessary to keep your hearts open to loving and learning.

Controlling behavior is motivated by fear — of loss of self and loss of other, of engulfment and rejection, of smothering and abandonment.

When each person is willing to do the inner work necessary to heal these fears, they are able to keep their hearts open more and more of the time.

Love flows freely when hearts are open to loving and learning.

Practicing the six steps of Inner Bonding is a powerful way of keeping love alive.

Partners who both consistently practice this process discover the great joy of keeping their love alive.

Even when it seems that there is no way to get love back, it does come back when both partners are devoted to learning to take loving care of themselves and to sharing their love with each other.

 

THE END

 

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Marriage is the Number One Cause of Divorce

By Jim Campbell

September 8th, 2018

The best thing about being single is that you never have to go through the hassles of a divorce.

As a veteran of over 38-years with the same woman you would have to threaten me at gunpoint to make me ever consider it, and then I’d likely go for the bullet.

 

Forget what the author below is trying to sell you, today, the number one cause of divorce is that you chose to get married in the first place.

 

The Number One Cause of Divorce

(The following is an excerpt from Friends, Partners & Lovers)

I’m convinced the number one cause of divorce is not adultery, financial problems, or irreconcilable difference. Those are most often symptoms of a deeper problem.

 

 

While these problems might be real, I believe there is a bigger issue.

The most common issue I see with couples who are struggling in marriage is a lack of intentional investment in their marriage.

 

 

While it’s a fair debate of which comes first—did someone lose interest so they lost intention or did someone lose intention so they lost interest—either way there is a key idea:

We can influence our feelings by intentionally investing in our marriage.

As I’ve written before, our affections often grow toward our investments. Wherever we put our time, money, and energy also ends up receiving our passion, interest, and affection.

Think about what this means for a marriage: you will generally feel for your spouse to the extent in which you invest in your spouse.

Your feelings are often far less about them and far more about what effort you have put into your marriage.

Obviously there are exceptions. Some people have made bad choices in who they married or the spouse has made a bad choice in who they have become, but most of the time, we love our spouse to the extent that we invest in our spouse. (See: Marry a Partner, Not a Child)

Consider what this means: if your feelings of love are waning, they can be recovered. With some effort, intention, and energy, love can grow.

Every week I interact with marriages which are suffering. I am often like a triage nurse who observes the couple, makes an initial determination of the seriousness of their illness, and then gets them with the right specialist so the expert can assist them with the issue.

As the couple leaves our initial interaction, I almost always give them the same assignment: on the way home, retell the stories of your first date, how you fell in love, what first attracted you to the other, what you love the most about each other, and what your dreams are of a future together. (See: Change Your Marriage Today) (Source)

 

THE END

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Whiplash

By Jim Campbell

September 5th, 2018

 

It’s easy to look back on what might have been.

When you dip your toe in the water you are going to get wet.

So it should be with love.

Forget about the past completely and stay focused on the moment.

 

 

Is it rational to believe a person you have fallen hard for will be the direction all relationships will follow in the future?

If so, give up.

 

 

How exactly rational would that be?

 

Perhaps it time to start singing this song in your head.

Remember, if you give up this one could be just around the corner.

 

 

THE END IF YOU WANT IT TO BE !

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Micromanagement effects on employee production and morale

By Jim Campbell

It’s not just the federal government but government at all levels.

 

Please ask yourselves, when was the last time a government passed a law in the U.S. that granted us more freedom and didn’t cost us more in taxes?

Excessive corporate sphincter muscles who stifle the little guys; the “grunts” on the ground trying to make things work.

Standing ovations following speeches are ever so much more acceptable in the Halls of Government than actually doing something about the problems.

 

The necessary balancing act between appreciating something and doing something about something is predicated on who can gain the most out of action or inaction and nothing ever changes.

That’s what government is now and likely always has been.

THE END

 

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